On Thursday, I broke up with Tod and I was running hot. I had realized that nothing was changing and I wanted to have cuddles by the end of the year, and from the looks of things, I wasn't getting them from Tod even if I did manage to visit before Christmas break (and that he probably wasn't coming to SC)
I then went to chew Nathan out. Brianna told me to chew her out first--so I did. Then, armed with information, I went over to Nathan's. My reason for chewing him out was because he hugely misinterpreted my conversation from the night before and I really really really hate that. At one point, I told him it might be beneficial to have a girl other than Brianna and said if he didn't feel like looking far, sarah and I were both available...
I then came home and advertised the fact that I was single to as many as would listen. There weren't many and only two of them were male.
Friday I made it alright most of the day. I was also looking forward to cuddling up to someone and watching a movie together at the end of the day. Those plans fell through and watching Brianna and Nathan together was not my idea of fun.
Saturday started out alright, I had a great time in karate. I did get punched in the wrong area while sparring with the nephew of a member. However, when I was waiting my turn to come around again, the guy sitting next to me on the wall said he told our instructor, Tim, to watch my footwork because it was very similar to his. I was hugely flattered and I loved it
As soon as Karate was finished, I had to go to the HFAC, change, and warm up on my trombone.
I was not ready for this performance. However, I managed to get through it and then realize that I was woefully behind the other's progress. Taking a 2-year break from trombone was not a good idea if I wanted to stay with it. I ended up feeling embarrassed and woefully inadequate
Late that night, my hormones were becoming harder and harder to ignore. It was completely miserable because I had no outlets and knew that I had no outlets. I was missing Tod and wishing I had some random person who was capable of cuddling with me and not thinking that I was serious. Nathan came over and hugged me around 3am and earned some major brownie points.
Sunday... was bad. I slept in as long as I could and didn't feel like dressing up, but Brianna told me to take a shower before her, so I ended up dressing up and looking nice, and of course, when you dress up and look nice, behavior reflects that.
Apparently Nathan thought that he might've been a possible rebound and wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to decide to date him seriously. He mentioned cuddling with two of his roommates who both have girlfriends and I said, no, I actually do have morals, believe it or not. He responded with doubt 2 1/2 times. It hurt. I continued conversation for a little while, but wanted to cry and ended up doing my best to put him on a major guilt trip for being rude.
I went to my room and Tod happened to call right at that time (I told him he could only call once a day, max). Some of my bad mood came out while talking to Tod and I didn't really feel like mitigating it at all because I felt like it was partially Tod's fault, anyway. I apologized later, but yeah...
I don't remember why I went to the living room. I think I left my laptop in there. Anyways, I went back to the living room and got online and did my best to ignore Nathan. Any comments Brianna made relating to him were ignored. When Nathan came over, I did not acknowledge his presence for a very long time. It started in fb chat where he kept talking and I eventually started to respond. After about half an hour of that, he finally made an unintentionally funny comment and we were finally able to talk.
Today (Monday): I'm still wary of Nathan, especially if he misinterprets me again. Then again, I don't really have that many options. You'd think that being at BYU would give me tons of opportunities to find a guy willing to cuddle. Apparently the people I know are wrong for it, or I'm just going about things the completely wrong way.
I HATE being second choice. Talking to Nathan when he's talking to Brianna is completely frustrating. I don't even like him, but he's not over himself enough to realize that. For some reason, he thinks that I've got deeper things besides hormones telling me to find other ppl to cuddle with. It is just about the epitome of frustration
1 comment:
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by cuddle, but my perception of it is that there is a bit of commitment involved. I would think at BYU that you would be less likely to find gratuitous cuddling than in other places. That sounds kind of funny actually.
I would think that you could find someone to sit on the couch and watch a movie with though. If things get too cuddly too fast that scares some guys away. I'm just saying...
I had a guy who got too cuddly too fast on me and he was history faster than I could kick him out the door. I think I could have even liked him eventually, but I wanted to get to know him before getting too physical and he was in a hurry, so I wouldn't go out with him again.
Sometimes what we really want requires a little patience on our part.
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