I love country boys

So a couple of weeks ago, I was listening to the radio and this song came on... I couldn't help but laugh from my surprise

Pray for You - Jaron and the Long Road to Love

The intro is classic southern blues and then it transitions into the most hilarious song ever. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did

I knew it

I thought that I was over Tod, but I held back from saying anything about it b/c I felt like if I did, something would happen to make me realize how much I wasn't over him if I just waited long enough. Who knew it would be something as small as watching a movie like Avatar with its romance in it that would set me off?

My heart is still missing and I still don't know if I want it back

Chuck Norris jokes that I TOTALLY stole

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a horse in the chin so hard that it flew back in time. Its descendants are known as giraffes.

Chuck Norris once had a water fight. Ever since then, the ocean doesn't dare come up past the shore.

Chuck Norris taught caterpillars how to turn into butterflies.

Chuck Norris throws Satalites into orbit for NASA.

Chuck Norris is the one who took the bite out of the Apple logo.

I left out all the jokes that I've heard a million times. I just couldn't pass up this chance. Who would ever want to miss out on these awesome jokes?

XD

Leverage

Leverage is my favorite TV show now. If you haven't seen it, check it out. Think of the A-Team, but completely modernized.

Their Mastermind is an ex-insurance agent, Nathan Ford, the other 4 are all super-talented thieves he has caught in the past.

Sophie Devereaux-grifter: she is the face of the con. She seems to have forgotten who she really is in the maze of identities she's created and went off to discover who she is.

Parker-greasemonkey: she is the acrobat who picks locks & other mechanical security. She is the epitome of social awkwardness and Sophie has been trying to teach her how to be more comfortable in social situations. Parker also disappears and reappears at whichever intervals she chooses

Alec Hardison-hacker: anything that's digital, he can hack it. He runs on orange soda & gummies. He is the person who gets the team their information that they need to run their con.

Eliot Spencer-hit man or "retrieval specialist": my favorite! he displays a wonderful knowledge of martial arts and is the universal tough guy who deals with all of the opposing strength's muscle. How can he be best in his business, you may ask? He isn't really a jock--he is actually quite the tactician (which he'd need to be, with all those fights/battles he's been in) and they (mostly Ford) use his appearance to fool others into lowering their guard.

Tara is Sophie's temp replacement. I still haven't warmed up to her.

Basically, the team finds people who are being unjustly treated and protect them. They all made their fortunes in the first episode and have since continued because they're good at it and it seems like they enjoy it.

I have a double standard

Today when I got out of my car and was heading to my apartment, one of two black guys started hitting on me (the other one was on the phone). I felt very complimented. I'm still smiling about it. It seems like they're the only ones brave enough to openly hit on me. In SC, I'm pretty comfortable with and think of being checked out as a compliment.

During my stay in Utah, however, when one of my friends pointed out that someone had checked me out, I got kind of mad. Utah is not a culture I want anywhere close to me

(I applied for re-admission anyway. At least this time around, I'll be forewarned and know the hazards and prepare in such a way that my homesickness won't beat me into the dirt like last go-round)

Cats

My roommates have two cats. One is named Midnight and he's a boy. The other is Ashes and she's temperamental.

I love it when they purr or knead my leg/lap/whatever part of me they happen to be on top of. Doling out pleasure is nice. Midnight is a people lover. Whenever people come around, he's there, asking for love. Ashes, on the other hand, spazzes out with toys & invisible objects, to my bewildered amusement.

However, some things I don't like: cat barf (we're never barf-free for three days in a row), meowing loudly on days I was planning to sleep in, and excessive drool. These are all done chiefly by Ashes. She also sheds when she's angry.

I don't mind cats. I don't particularly care about the constant shedding--I shed, too--I'm used to it already. I just like the happy-go-lucky dog stereotype better than the cynical "I hate you" stereotype that cats seem to have. (Ashes glares at me quite often)

I'm kind of a dog person, all in all. Sure, cats keep to themselves and get in your way only when they're hungry or something, but I prefer an animal being excited to see me & won't do weird cat things. Also, I think if I had a pet, I would want it to be at least 50 lbs. I've actually been leaning towards Great Dane lately, actually... Despite major health problems that don't let them live a long life, they are generally lazy (can live in an apartment) and affectionate. Apparently, many think that they are lap-dogs. I know some ppl might be horrified by that, but I don't mind chancing my legs falling asleep in return for pet cuddles. There is also an incredible amount of appeal in being literally bowled over with how excited it is to see me.

I dunno, maybe it's just Ashes. I don't have too many complaints about Midnight except that he won't stay in my lap when I want him there.

Anyway, the point is moot for me, anyway, because I can't afford a pet or give it the attention it needs. Oh well. A girl can dream, can't she?

Laughter

I don't laugh enough.

I went over to Dad's house today to hang out with one of my sisters. I ended up watching the youngest playing some little flash puzzle game and laughing at the gimmicks & her strategies. Dad commented on how much he missed hearing me laugh (I only visit every other week, if that) & how he probably wouldn't have enjoyed Rocketman nearly as much as he did if he had watched it without me there.

When I'm around my two younger sisters, I laugh my head off. I'm trying to think of other situations besides internet jokes where this has happened...

I miss genuine compliments that I know the truth of, except not their perspective. Dad's comment that he loved hearing me laugh surprised me. I'm so happy he's learning to talk to his kids now. Maybe I can honestly accept that compliment b/c I feel like he's complimenting my true self and not my facade.

University

So I need to go back to college and get a Bachelor's degree in anything. I want a Master's degree in Sociology so that I can help troubled kids.

I was looking at schools in the Sacramento/Roseville area and looking at my choices. They weren't as good as I was hoping.

One of my old roommates from BYU told me I should come back b/c a mutual friend's coming back next winter semester, too. She's in China right now, but she'll be back in the fall. There are a lot of great things about BYU. Shiseikai Karate is something I've really missed (and gotten really out of shape for). I could probably call my old boss and get my job back of Set Construction (it was sooooo fun!!!). My friends from Japanese 101&102 are still around. Wouldn't be able to take shared classes with them, but it would be nice to hang out with them again. My pseudo in-laws live in Provo, too. I miss them a lot.

However, I hate Utah. Snow makes me want to cry, but I can handle it if I need to. Utah Mormons are so naive--I can hardly stand to have a conversation with them at all.

I just remembered. My next younger sister's gonna be out there O.O

That could be pretty fun, actually. If I was there, we could scheme against homesickness.

Pros:

Shiseikai Karate

Japanese 101 friends

Sister currently attending
Pretend in-laws

Cali sister and hubby might move there this christmas

Job in the coolest field ever

Cuddly buddy from 1st time around is getting back from his mish
Old best friend/roommate

Dance classes

Already have some generals taken care of

Good curriculum with classes I want to take in the Major I'm looking at currently

Can trust them not to tell me crazy things about sexuality (like CA probably could & would)

Cons:

Utah Mormons who think if you're blind to sin, it's not there

Weather

Homesickness

Hated it the first time around (probably mainly b/c I wasn't ready for college yet & I was there anyway)

Culture

I guess when I put it that way, there's quite a compelling argument. I wonder if they'll let me back in... My last semester there, I did go under a 2.0...

Mercedes Lackey, author

One of the authors I've begun to start taking notice of is Mercedes Lackey, specifically, the Elemental Masters series. The first one I read was The Serpent's Shadow and it was AMAZING! I loved her way of integrating magic into the world. Very soon after that, I read Phoenix and Ashes. It was actually an adaptation of Cinderella. I adored her powerful characters and the way she showcased their talents. Ever since that discovery, I've been keeping an eye out for other books in that series that has only recently received a title. Reserved for the Cat wasn't really focused on the truly powerful, but still an enjoyable story.

I went to the library this past weekend and found The Gates of Sleep and The Wizard of London. The Gates of Sleep is a Sleeping Beauty situation, but I ended up rather disappointed in the way that it ended. There were several statements telling the reader how powerful she was and that she had great potential and it kept building and building and then... she barely used her powers in the end confrontation. I was so disappointed! I was hoping for her to make full use of all her powers, but all she did was shapeshift and be clever about it. For people unfamiliar with the book, I have warned you of the disappointing ending, but it was still enjoyable except for that part and there was more to the story than the final confrontation--just so you know, she had MANY talents and alliances at her disposal. I would wonder why it isn't the same quality as the others and maybe she was running out of gas for this book, but it was still sad b/c I had found the book and assumed it would be as good as the rest and was very excited about it, but, alas, this was not so.

PS - The Wizard of London was odd. It focused on "Sensitives" who used psychic powers unrelated to the four elements. In my opinion, it didn't fit very well into the series. That one wasn't near as disappointing because you knew their limitations and they still fought well in their big confrontation.

Forgiveness

I think I've finally been able to forgive Mom. Thinking about her used to wake up a rage of such magnitude that it quite frankly scared me. Now I just feel bad for her. However, forgiveness does not mean putting yourself in harm's way. Just because I've forgiven her doesn't mean that she's stopped being untrustworthy. I have stopped talking to her. I know that it probably won't be another couple of months before she turns on everybody again, but it's a relief to remove myself from the situation and to know that I can be safe if I keep my distance. I doubt that I'll ever love her, but it's a start.

Maybe I haven't been able to completely forgive her, but the rage has been replaced with sadness for what I (and the rest of the kids) missed out on and what she is surely missing out on. That's probably all the progress I can hope for at this point.

Mom has no idea how good of a man she's been pushing away (she probably has no idea how forcefully she's pushing everyone away with her actions). There's no way she'll find someone who will want to marry her (unless they are blind and deaf to her actions). Dad, on the other hand, could find someone. In the back of my mind, I wonder if he'll find someone who will love us unconditionally. That could be a really great experience. I used to just hope for whoever I married having a wonderful Mom who I could wholeheartedly adopt. That route might not happen for quite a while. Now I have hope that I might get a loving stepmom.

I wonder if I'll ever even like Mom. Probably only if she turns her life around and admits that she's not perfect. We had a lesson in church about Cain & Abel a couple weeks ago. It was simply sad to me that Mom was by far the most similar to Cain in her actions, but she probably heard the lesson and thought "I'm a good person because I haven't killed my brother like Cain did" or some such nonsense. The point was that Cain did, in fact, make a sacrifice to the Lord (on the suggestion of Satan), and he was jealous of his brother's favor. Callously removing a problem & refusing to take personal responsibility when someone asks you about your inappropriate behavior is something I have seen again and again and again. "...Satan tempted me because of my brother's flocks. And I was wroth also; for his offering thou didst accept and not mine; my punishment is greater than I can bear" (Moses 5:38) vs "I had gluten!" "I'm tired!" "You kids never listen [unless I yell and make threats]!" "Your dad doesn't support me like he should!" "I have to do all this stuff by myself!" Something she's forgotten is that it's been decided over and over again that while certain circumstances can make things more likely, you still did that awful thing, and in the end, it was YOU who chose to do it.

Dear Mom,

Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse. Kids should grow up with unconditional love, not conditional. Controlling people through fear is unacceptable and I won't bow to your demands. I am sorry that it has come to this point, but you are not welcome in my life, no matter how much you try to bribe me.

Your daughter,

Hannah

Love-Sick. Or maybe just sick of love

I am a fool for love. I am also a fool when heartbroken. I'm essentially a fool no matter if I'm single or dating. I wish that I wouldn't be so stunned when the person I like flat-out tells me that it's not working (and then it takes forever to actually get it through my stubborn head). I thought I found the person who I could marry. He told me that I don't even know him. It's true, he doesn't talk about himself much, but I know he has by far the most qualities I find important than any other guy I've met or dated. I wonder if he said I didn't know him b/c I still am terrible at thinking on my feet & when he asked what I knew about him, I said what was fresh on my mind, not what is always in the back of my head.

Sometimes I get angry and want to give up on boys completely & other times I just feel lost. I'd never met anyone at all similar to him before. How will I ever replace him? Will it feel like a consolation prize? It had better not! I was thinking the other night that I should study Captain Moroni, so that me & my future husband can cause our own minor earthquakes in hell.

Will I find my own Captain Moroni (or one of the sons of Helaman) in the South? Is it someone who is currently on a mission? Is it someone I know who I simply haven't seen because I was preoccupied with my past? Or maybe it's someone I won't meet for several years. Or maybe Mom was right and I'll never find a husband in this life. I think I'd prefer sooner rather than later. Being single has its perks, but I think I could be happy to be married. Maybe because in Mormon years, I'm an old maid XD

Olympics

I really have no idea how anyone can NOT like the olympics. There's variety in the sports and it's the top athletes from all around the world.

Figure skating happens to be my favorite winter olympic sport. Shaun White has made the half pipe and snowboarding so much more enjoyable when I liked the sport already. Apolo Ohno has created an interest in a sport that I was only marginally interested in, previously, and now I love to watch it when he's there. He's so cute. I love his soul patch XD. I still haven't been completely converted to the bobsled, but ever since Cool Runnings, I watch it and think about how the pilots have to study the turns ahead of time and this is the reward for their work.

I liked the couples figure skating the best. The men did well and the girls are pretty, but it's the couples dancing that really gets to me. Teamwork in the beauty of the art.

also, some of the skaters pick REALLY fun music

Release

Been talking to Tod a lot lately. Sounded like Heavenly Father hadn't really been bothering him like he'd been me. All that urgency seems to have disappeared after Tod said that.

If I hadn't been so much of an all or nothing person, I wonder how things would've been different.