much has happened

So I'm now dating this guy. He's so much fun and cracks me up always. He's also a wonderful blend of extroversion and understanding so that I'm able to be more sociable than not, helping me not be so hermit-like all the time and understands when I just need to be around one or two people at the max.
I'm meeting all kinds of new people. That hasn't happened in quite a while. Pretty much all his friends I've met so far have been pretty amazing.

My body has gone into excrutiating pain mode. It got bad enough last week that I decided I needed to see a chiropractor ASAP because I couldn't deal with the pain anymore. My shooting, acute pain in my ankles & esp. knees that is a recurring problem, my lower back in a constant kind of background pain, AND my right shoulder blade area that talks to me every time I try to use any muscles in the area. I got the results of my x-rays today. My body is almost terrifying in how bad of shape it's in.

My classes are pretty amazing and I feel like I'm learning so much. I'm taking my sister at BYU to my Wednesday class of SFL100 - Family Proclamation for our lecture on abuse. We're both excited for it and plan on taking extensive notes

This weekend, I will be in Maryland for my only girl-cousin on Dad's side's WEDDING! I'm so super-excited! I'm leaving Thursday morning on a direct flight and will be staying with my younger cousins, esp the one in marching band. He's probably my favorite. Even though they are all AMAZING on Dad's side. So much fun to be around those guys. Yes. All boys--them and some of the boy-cousins on my mom's side are probably why I'm so much happier around larger guys vs smaller & skinnier ones.

I will be headed to California at the end of the semester for about a week to have some awesome time to hang out with my sister, bro-in-law and baby niece. In May I will be in SC for 10 days for a wedding & to testify in a specific divorce court. I'm excited to stay with a friend and her dogs and see people I love.

Tomorrow/Today I am scheduled to be diagnosed w/ADHD. I am excited for that b/c University Accessibility will help me with my bad grades that happened as a result of untreated ADHD (just about all the classes I've ever taken).
Possible bad - stressful test & will probably crash my brain for the rest of the day--maybe I should donate plasma...


You might possibly be caught up now XD

ADHD

did some research today on ADHD and am now more convinced than I ever was that my depression does not, in fact, mimic ADHD but I have ADHD with depression. Had a conversation a couple nights ago about how I've always kind of wondered if I have no attention span as a result of this and the longer we talked, the more I was convinced. Apparently weird reactions to painkillers is one of the common things w/ppl who have ADHD

on the NIMH website on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (directly quoted):

Children who have symptoms of inattention may:
[Y]Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
[Y]Have difficulty focusing on one thing
[Y]Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless they are doing something enjoyable
[Y]Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new
[Y]Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
[?]Not seem to listen when spoken to
[Y]Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
[Y]Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
[~]Struggle to follow instructions.

Children who have symptoms of hyperactivity may:
[Y]Fidget and squirm in their seats
[N]Talk nonstop
[?]Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
[Y]Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
[Y]Be constantly in motion
[~]Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

Children who have symptoms of impulsivity may:
[Y]Be very impatient
[N]Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
[Y]Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
[?]Often interrupt conversations or others' activities.

(that's my response in the [] with a Y for Yes, N for No, ? for I don't know or remember and ~ for sometimes)

wow. I might be ADHD. Just a bit

woot for downers

I hate being lonely. I know it's my own fault. I freak out when people get close to me. That fact probably makes my jealousy worse, if anything.

I love to have friends who care lots about me, but I can't open up to people who I don't feel like they know me--and my definition of knowing me is a ridiculously involved process pointed out to me when having a discussion about a guy that I had a full-blown panic attack about simply because we went to the park together and it felt like a real date and, to my definition, he doesn't know me AT ALL. blech

Living life torn between wanting to be a hermit and having at least 5 really close friends is interesting. It really depends on which emotion is leading that day...

BIG news!

I got my laptop back yesterday!!! I am ridiculously excited! As soon as I catch up with homeworks etc and putting things back (they gave me a brand new hard-drive and didn't save any information--lost 2 months worth of pictures), then I will be ready to roll

Yay finally!

day 28: cruise a dictionary and pick out 10 words you like the sound of

(Sun, March 6)

you must think I'm magical to be able to carry a dictionary around with me on campus when I have the internet here

buuuuuut, just for fun, we'll see what dictionary.com has to say

...

...


I found a Quotes tab! Here's the most popular one today:

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick

day 27: my day job vs. my passion

(Sat, March 5)

Carpentry vs therapy. oh-so-similar XD

day 26: list 10 things you are thankful for

1. My amazing roommates who got a brand-new bed for me! I'm going to see it when I get home today & I am SO excited for it!!!
2. Reading The Wise Man's Fear - Patrick Rothfuss. It's the 2nd book in the Kingkiller Chronicles and it had me from the first time I picked up The Name of the Wind and started reading the back cover
3. My LAPTOP might be back by Monday!!! YAAAAAY! I might not be a zombie anymore!
4. My sister & the joy (& food, but that's the same thing, right?) she brings to my life. We see each other every day & have lunch together
5. I now own Saturday's Warrior! What do you know? Living in Utah IS good for something XD (I actually don't mind that much this time around)
6. Cuddle buddies. It is such a wonderful thing to cuddle so much (& with someone who can do it well without being weird about it) that you aren't starved for any touch at all & don't really care that much WHO it is & can afford to be picky
7. worldwide transportation. because of it, I can travel to Maryland for my only girl-cousin on dad's side wedding! I'm completely excited about it
8. pictures. it's pretty much how I keep track of whats going on in my life at what time
9. the internet. how else would I keep track of my amazing friends and family? (and waste time looking at lolcats etc)
10. Screen tshirts. I love shirts that have something clever or fun on them. It's just pure amazing to see one that makes you laugh or someone else laughs or asks where I got it

[I want this shirt]

day 25: what would I find in your bag

[maybe even in my pockets]
I never go without:
keys
cell phone
"wallet" - change purse I use for cards, like drivers license & credit card

[purse]
stuff I like to have with me at all times:
scissors
my other change purse that I actually do use for change
candy (lately its been wintergreen lifesavers & nerds)
pens & pencils
highlighters
lotion
chapstick
[sometimes] makeup

[in my bookbag--everything previous plus the following]
because I'm a college student:
toothbrush & toothpaste
deodorant (in case I forgot on my way out the door)
water bottle
textbooks & notebooks

day 24: post your favorite quotation and why

(Today)

I have no favorite quotation.

A friend quoted Maya Angelou to help me know more about people and be more equipped to deal with them:
"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."

One that I've always believed, even before I heard it:
"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have." -Gerald Ford, 38th president

and, a quote I don't know if it was anonymous or not, but I thought it was amusing:
"If you want someone to love you and always be excited when you're around, buy a puppy"

day 23: something you crave a lot

(Tuesday, March 1)

I crave a healthy mother figure. I've spent my life collecting them and making them my friends. So many wonderful ladies who are established in their identity who have absolutely no reason or desire to manipulate me, who have children sometimes already out of the house. They do need to be old enough to possibly be my mother, though.

The rest of you are just really good friends XD

day 22: what makes you different from everyone else

(Monday, Feb 28)

What makes me different:

From the world: I don't care that much about money. It's nice to have, so that I can travel, but I usually only care when I am dirt-poor and can't afford groceries, etc. Sometimes I just give it away to someone who can actually use it
From this campus: I don't really care about grades. I'm good at taking tests, but this semester, I haven't really been able to turn any papers in, though there were some partially/mostly finished papers (on my broken laptop)...
From well-adjusted people: Growing up with a parent like mine gives a completely different perspective on life than most people. Most people tend to think that the world is a place to stretch your wings and live your life, but I, from a very young age, thought of it as unsafe and scary
From my family: I don't actually know. I'm pretty close with most of my siblings. I am by far the most "independent" (independent meaning that I willfully do what I want, and the less people there, the better)

day 21: a picture of something that makes you happy

(Sunday, Feb 27)

I'm not particularly happy right now, but let me hunt through facebook to find something that brightens my day


I miss working construction with this guy. Insanity is so fun. Especially when I'm in a bad mood, he knows how to goof around & let me let off some steam so that I cheer up quickly

day 20: write a letter to someone

(Saturday, Feb 26)

Dear Professors,
If you could stop assigning paper after paper after paper, that would be SO helpful. With my laptop being broken, I am a zombie who cannot figure out how to write a paper at home and I am getting extremely stressed out because I feel like I have no time to write papers, while the real reason is that I can't work without my laptop and because the laptop isn't there, I can't concentrate.
I am starting to really get grumpy with myself and the world because I don't have what I need to get a decent grade in the class. Everything is piling up and all I can do is get grumpier and grumpier because my mind is in a fog.

Sincerely, a student lost without her computer,
Me

day 19: write about a sweet memory from your past

(Friday, Feb 25)

way back in early primary, I idolized one of my aunts. We got to church early quite frequently and I noticed that she came late very often. At that point, she was in the primary presidency in some way. I decided to help her by setting up all the chairs for primary. It was fun and something I could do all by myself.

Much later, she was out of primary and I had stopped doing it quite a while ago, I heard from grandma how much that aunt appreciated my service. It's a very nice memory-

day 18: plans/dreams/goals you have

(Thursday, Feb 24-supposedly)


plans I have: stay in Utah this summer, go to Jan's wedding (buy the plane ticket)

dreams: not good ones. been having this recurring bad dream lately, inspiring my desire for a very sharp, wicked-looking dagger to take with me into the dream world

goals: get married, go to the temple, help troubled teens (professionally or not)