You know that sinking feeling in your gut when something terrible happens? And when it's accompanied by a sick fear? That just happened tonight and it inspired me to realize something about myself:
I might be heart-stoppingly terrified of good boys now (or at least of them liking me). Might have something to do with me not being able to get into a good relationship in the last, what, 3-4 years? Tonight, as I was leaving one of the tech's apartments after hanging out, he offered about 3 times to help on my morning install if I wanted any assistance. Then our eyes met and that's when that jolt of fear shot through me. My brain defaulted to depression so quickly that I knew something was up and that's when I knew I had to figure this out. The conclusion I came to is that boys who are respectful and kind scare me to death. Might have something to do with my completely disastrous break-up back in '08 and also just the environment I grew up in... Logically, I -KNOW- it's ridiculous. Too bad my emotions spit on logic...
I can't think of a more ridiculous or sure-fire way to scare the living daylights out of me--a decent guy in the first stages of trying to let me know that he likes me... Good grief
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Has it really been over a month?
An update is in order!
So, I was in the Virginia Beach office from April 9-April 28. After that, I was transferred down to Raleigh, NC's office for just under a week--that Thursday morning, I found out that the VA Beach office still wasn't busy enough to take me back and my original Team Lead was looking at getting me into either the Fayettesville, NC office or the Amarillo, TX office. I went down to SC for a cousin's wedding and didn't find out where I was going until Sunday. Monday was for paperwork, Tuesday, I mailed it out and left. Then I hydroplaned off the interstate and totaled my car.
Luckily, I was unhurt. I had one little scratch on my knee from AFTER the wreck when I knelt on the seat to get into my glovebox and one of the tiny pieces of glass got my knee. I also had some whiplash (That was over 360 degrees-every single corner of my car had been intimate with that guardrail and I came out facing about 90 degrees clockwise to how I left the interstate). I was so incredibly lucky. Another lucky thing is that I was only 2 hours away from home and Dad and Regina came to pick me up and get all my belongings out of the car. The cops who came to check it out were REALLY nice and helpful--they also mentioned that EVERY time it rains, someone goes off the interstate in this spot and that they don't know why someone hasn't come out to look at it...
I bought Dad's extra family car and took care of that paperwork and headed out again on Thursday. Spent the night in Memphis, TN at a different Vivint office because one of my friends was there. Then I headed on to my new office and got there laaaaaaate on Friday night and moved into the office apartment. I took Saturday completely off, as it was my birthday, and then shadowed one of the guys on Monday. I've been working ever since and I mostly love it. Keeping busy is really nice. I've mostly gotten 2 installs a day since I started working and I also help out some of the guys when I'm not on a job and they help me when they can. It's a pretty decent system. Also, yesterday, I moved into my very own apartment and was surprised at how excited I was to not have sales guys coming in and out all the time and all the other things that come with living at the office...
My two buddies, Chuck and Steve are both fun. Chuck is a really big redhead and I was initially really attracted to him, but now I'm seeing the scaled-back sweetness and attractiveness that Steve has. Flirting and dating is such a dangerous dance. If you break up and they end up hating you, the rest of the time they're in your presence sucks. Memphis boy is cute and has a fun voice but is a bit of a bad influence. Some of my old addictions wake up around him. I still stand by my statement that "dating is scary."
Life is fun, though. And BUSY
So, I was in the Virginia Beach office from April 9-April 28. After that, I was transferred down to Raleigh, NC's office for just under a week--that Thursday morning, I found out that the VA Beach office still wasn't busy enough to take me back and my original Team Lead was looking at getting me into either the Fayettesville, NC office or the Amarillo, TX office. I went down to SC for a cousin's wedding and didn't find out where I was going until Sunday. Monday was for paperwork, Tuesday, I mailed it out and left. Then I hydroplaned off the interstate and totaled my car.
Luckily, I was unhurt. I had one little scratch on my knee from AFTER the wreck when I knelt on the seat to get into my glovebox and one of the tiny pieces of glass got my knee. I also had some whiplash (That was over 360 degrees-every single corner of my car had been intimate with that guardrail and I came out facing about 90 degrees clockwise to how I left the interstate). I was so incredibly lucky. Another lucky thing is that I was only 2 hours away from home and Dad and Regina came to pick me up and get all my belongings out of the car. The cops who came to check it out were REALLY nice and helpful--they also mentioned that EVERY time it rains, someone goes off the interstate in this spot and that they don't know why someone hasn't come out to look at it...
I bought Dad's extra family car and took care of that paperwork and headed out again on Thursday. Spent the night in Memphis, TN at a different Vivint office because one of my friends was there. Then I headed on to my new office and got there laaaaaaate on Friday night and moved into the office apartment. I took Saturday completely off, as it was my birthday, and then shadowed one of the guys on Monday. I've been working ever since and I mostly love it. Keeping busy is really nice. I've mostly gotten 2 installs a day since I started working and I also help out some of the guys when I'm not on a job and they help me when they can. It's a pretty decent system. Also, yesterday, I moved into my very own apartment and was surprised at how excited I was to not have sales guys coming in and out all the time and all the other things that come with living at the office...
My two buddies, Chuck and Steve are both fun. Chuck is a really big redhead and I was initially really attracted to him, but now I'm seeing the scaled-back sweetness and attractiveness that Steve has. Flirting and dating is such a dangerous dance. If you break up and they end up hating you, the rest of the time they're in your presence sucks. Memphis boy is cute and has a fun voice but is a bit of a bad influence. Some of my old addictions wake up around him. I still stand by my statement that "dating is scary."
Life is fun, though. And BUSY
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