You know that sinking feeling in your gut when something terrible happens? And when it's accompanied by a sick fear? That just happened tonight and it inspired me to realize something about myself:
I might be heart-stoppingly terrified of good boys now (or at least of them liking me). Might have something to do with me not being able to get into a good relationship in the last, what, 3-4 years? Tonight, as I was leaving one of the tech's apartments after hanging out, he offered about 3 times to help on my morning install if I wanted any assistance. Then our eyes met and that's when that jolt of fear shot through me. My brain defaulted to depression so quickly that I knew something was up and that's when I knew I had to figure this out. The conclusion I came to is that boys who are respectful and kind scare me to death. Might have something to do with my completely disastrous break-up back in '08 and also just the environment I grew up in... Logically, I -KNOW- it's ridiculous. Too bad my emotions spit on logic...
I can't think of a more ridiculous or sure-fire way to scare the living daylights out of me--a decent guy in the first stages of trying to let me know that he likes me... Good grief
4 comments:
so............ Did you let him help you?
We all get buddy texts. He knows when I get jobs. But yeah, he showed up to my job
I have those "logically it doesn't make sense, but that doesn't matter in what I feel" moments, too! errggh, hormones and emotions, leave me alone!
man, you're so honest. that's how i feel too. i don't get it. i can't keep it together when a nice guy acts interested. it scares me to death too. when you figure out why, let me know, b/c my heart stops when a nice boy is nice to me...but not in a good way. i'm terrified, and think i'll get hurt. what. does.not.make sense.
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