So for this past week, I've been fighting another bout of depression. The first day of it was the worst and I'm almost back to equilibrium. Almost isn't enough, though. It's hard =( It's so difficult to keep going when all I want is to come to a full stop.
Draft from when my depression first hit this time (early thursday):
"Sometimes I hate myself. In an earlier post, I said that I don't self-injure. I realize the truth of it now: I don't injure myself physically. When I get in a mood like this, I want to remember every hateful thing said to me and every imperfect response I ever had. I want to sink into a cocoon of sadness and not be bothered by anything ever again."
So, comparing, you can see how much I've improved over the past few days... It still sucks, though.
EDIT: nevermind about feeling better... When you've been trying your hardest to improve and even though you know how much progress you've made--you get a reminder that metaphorically going from prehistoric times to the late middle ages means so little when everybody else is in the age of technology or at least acting like they are...
2 comments:
I know things are hard now, and stress definitely adds and helps bring on depression. But you are worth it. I'm sorry there isn't more we can do for you. I love you!
Hey my love! I'm so sorry you've been going through this, it's hard. I know, but all I can do is help show you how far you really have come. No one is as good as they seem and you're not as bad as you seem. Know how much everyone loves you, how much good you bring to their lives everyday even though sometimes it feels like you're a burden. The good you do will always outweigh the bad if feels like you're doing.
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