I think I understand Martin Harris's story a lot better now. How happy he must have been when he finally got a yes answer after bugging HF so much in answer to his wanting to show his wife the manuscript. His devastation when he realized HF had a good reason for saying no and that he needed to put his trust in HF instead of the world.
When Heavenly Father said I was in love with Tod, I didn't know how to react. I pretty much said, "Forget you" and did what I wanted, which was to date random ppl. For a while, it was good. Then everything about Richard pounded home the fact that he was not the right one for me, and the only person I knew who even came close to touching that was Tod. On Thursday, I finally broke down and said to HF that I didn't know what to do. I despised and still despise that feeling of comfort that I got... Like I'm not supposed to have a plan or know what comes next. Not being in control is something I hate. If anybody tries to tell me that HF doesn't believe in tough love, I am laughing in their face
But seriously? What do I do? Run around like a chicken with its head cut off or just sit back and relax? No guidance even on that? I am bad at just sitting back and waiting! I have to DO something. I want to figure things out and have them stay that way. I want something that will always work, not something fickle, like the average (or un-average) life
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I understand the Martin Harris bit, but I'm not sure I get what you're saying about these guys. Seriously, I think you need to get past Tod. Maybe you have, or think you have, but you keep bringing him up, so it makes me wonder. He's history. He's a jerk as far as I can tell. Sure you've learned stuff from him, and a lot of it was painful, but don't let it ruin the rest of your life. He's not worth it. I don't care how much you think he is. He's not. There's a little tough love for you. I know Heavenly Father dishes it out too. I've had it in my time.
It sounds like things didn't work out with Richard and so whatever. Life goes on. Move on. I could be wrong, but I feel like you are really stagnating and too much of your attention is centered on guys. (Maybe it's just because it's what you are putting here.) I just keep going back to the thought that you must do what you love. Forget about trying to find the right guy. Lead your life and enjoy it and it will all work out in the end. You're still very young. Guys are not the end all be all of existence. Be mad at me for saying this if you must, but at least think about it. I had ample disappointments in the guy department as well. Most women have.
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