This past weekend, I have been hitting triggers like crazy. It all started with this dream that left me feeling a bit off and just had that scuzzy feeling to it. I don't know if it's my slightly premonitional dreams coming back (the first time, I ended up praying for them to stop because I couldn't deal with twice the misery), or if they just set the tone for this weekend and neutral occurences became negative...
I don't like it. My heart stops for a second or two and I'm tempted to cry. In comparison to some of my friends, this might be a walk in the park, but for me, it's what my experience is. I just feel extremely beaten down. Hopefully a big part of it is just lack of sleep (and bad timing of a few things) and will be fixed just by virtue of getting plenty of rest on my days off work.
Sad feelings. Stomach jumping up into my throat every once in a while. Cold shivers. Tears. General uncomfortable feelings.
Bright moments--getting home from work and seeing comments from my dear sister Laura, playing with and feeding one of my nephews while boyfriend plays card games with the family I have in Utah, just being with people who love me in general, hugs
Neutral: back in severe pain, work busyness, laundry stuff
Doesn't really balance very well. Crossing my fingers for a good "night" of sleep
2 comments:
So sorry you're feeling "scuzzy"! I'm glad I could be a bright spot in the gloom. You were great with Levi. We'd love to have you over again sometime (with Steve if he wants to come). You can come any time, really. It helps me to have family, too :)
:( I promise I wasn't just being a lousy friend again this weekend, I was in California. I'm so glad you have real family here.
You're worth it Hannah, you can get through this. And you know if you ever want/need to talk we're here. We love you!
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