CA trip

So, this past weekend, I went to see Tod. It was really nice. I know exactly why I fell in love with him in the first place and I still find him attractive. The only thing is, I'm not still in love with him.

We had great conversations and I was able to relax during my vacation. This was in the small town of Taft, CA. We went to Bakersfield on Saturday for entertainment.

I know a lot more facts about him. Maybe a year or two ago, he stated that I didn't know him. After this weekend, I am convinced that I know (and have known) him, I just didn't know some major facts about how his life has gone.


It was sad to be reminded of how much I've changed. Looking back to the person I was three years ago and the paths I've taken since then, I'm so different, I almost don't know that person anymore. That person had their life so well put-together, it's crazy. She could have gotten married and become a stay-at-home Mom quite easily. I think some of the things that happened instead were really big learning experiences, but I think I would've managed without them or gotten them another way.

I miss being in love. It's so invigorating to have that, even being in love with someone who doesn't respond--the heartbroken form of being in love. Emotionally, I am a little lost without a best friend at the least.

EDIT: I think some of the ways I've changed for the better are that I'm way more understanding of things and more open to other lifestyles. 3 years ago, you couldn't pay me to live anywhere besides the south in a long-term situation. Now I don't know if I'll ever go back-I'm that much more tolerant of other places now. I'm not as set in my decisions and will do just about anything, as long as you can defend your case instead of me just rejecting the idea out of hand. That also goes for getting along with different personalities and beliefs.