Can't Sleep

Before this year, I never had any trouble sleeping. Sure, there was a night here and there, but that was it.

2 months after getting into my last long-term relationship (we dated 4 months), I stopped being able to reliably relax for sleep. That lasted for the rest of our relationship while I was miserable and didn't acknowledge it. It appears that for whatever reason, that situation has flared up again.

I never really had sympathy for insomniacs before b/c I never had any trouble at all getting to sleep for 2 days in a row. I don't know if my situation is similar now and with more understanding, I feel sympathy for insomniacs even though it might still be a different situation. My new situation is that I'm just too stressed and I dread going to sleep. I just stay awake until my body just collapses.

Today my body said that it had had enough. When I woke up this morning, I was immediately grumpy and hating everything (I'd only gotten 4-5 hours of sleep). I can't stand it when ppl touch my stuff. I've been trying to be understanding and sharing, but when my laptop is borrowed several times a day, it wears on me. So, first thing this morning, I was hit with a pet peeve. I was so angry about being woken up for that. During sacrament, I kept constantly praying for my heart to soften b/c I was still so on-edge and on the verge of just walking out and going home. In Relief Society, sitting in the back just before it started, I started to cry. There wasn't really a reason in particular for this. Just tears started to flow. It was only then that I realized that I was on my insane emotional rollercoaster trip that I go on when I get too little sleep for too long.

I threw up a couple hours later. I didn't feel better in any way except for the fact that I didn't have to fight down the queasiness anymore. My face is freaky looking when all the blood has drained out of it, btw. WAY too white...

This post is for me to get all this out and so hopefully I can get to sleep and avoid this situation happening again too soon.


Work is killing me. I think I might start misbehaving on the phones if this goes on much longer. I know I'm not supposed to take idiots and rude ppl personally, and I don't do it consciously, but apparently I do because the nice ppl who are respectful or joke around with me are so good, but what sticks with me are those one or two calls where the person calls me a liar or says I'm the worst person ever.

I think this job is making me more polarized with my feelings about phone use. I now never voluntarily call someone unless timing is important or someone left me a voicemail after I couldn't bring myself to answer--even then, sometimes it takes me days to call back. Previously, I simply preferred texting. Now, phone calls are like pulling teeth.

P.S. - It's kinda funny when you post a downer post like this one and when you click "Publish Post", it's so excited that it says "Your blog post published successfully!" and gives the link right there to "View Post"