Meltdown time (and exhaustive detail for what led up to it)

Around Friday everything started going downhill. Well, I actually started getting genuinely sick on Thursday at work, so I guess it started then--I remember now, I smashed my left middle and ring finger in a spring loaded window right in the middle of being chewed out on top of being sick and headache-y. I already had a lot of stress built up from conflict that was just refusing to get resolved and so on.

Friday when I had off work, I ran a bunch of errands that I thought would be really fun and ended up being way more stressful and longer than expected (and no A/C in the truck). I eventually got everything straightened out in time to be ready to go to the temple for Becky's wedding.

Everything was going fine and everybody loved my dress and we had fun on the way to the temple.

I had asked my brother to at least wear a button-down shirt for waiting in the temple and pictures. He was really upset about that. While waiting for my sister (the one getting married!) to get ready for the ceremony, we were all just waiting in the visitor area and I was talking to two sisters who were sitting and one told me that I looked pregnant and the other said it was the "in a relationship too long" weight (even though I've been trying to get rid of those 20 lbs for about a year now). After that, they told me my toenail polish was crooked and I was then asked why my hair was up in a bun. After I had wandered off from that conversation, I saw one of my brothers had come inside and he was even wearing a tie--I went to say thanks for changing by hugging him, and he almost hit me and told me that he felt evil and that the social pressure was killing him--I was surprised he even came if it was that hard, this is the first time I've even been at the temple for one of the siblings to get married. After that I just went outside and walked around the temple and cried a little. The spirit didn't really come back after that and I was shy of him for the rest of the trip.

The bride was radiant. The couple was so cute and happy, just like they should be. We took pictures and headed home and by that point, my brain felt like it was probably 10 lbs. I took the truck I'd been borrowing for this trip home and went home to take a nap. I ended up being late for the reception, but it was worth it b/c I wasn't feeling completely wretched--just mostly. I ate food and said hi to random family members. My old roommates from back in Cola were there and I wanted so badly to say hi to the guy and see if D&D's still going on and to ask how his brother's doing, but the wife was there and I don't think she wanted to talk to me, b/c they left soon after I got there (I found out later that she blocked me on fb). It was fun to talk to my uncles or even just listen to them, but I could only take so much, and my headache was back, so I decided when the music got turned up for the general dancing, I'd just leave. I hugged the bride and told her congratulations and watched the daddy-daughter and the mother-son dances (they were super-adorable) and then slipped out and went home to go to bed.

Saturday:
I had been planning on going to FL to help my new mom with her move, but I was not up to it, so Dad told me to stay home, which was a good thing, b/c I stayed in bed in and out of sleep til 5pm. I then went to the big house to hang out with all the immediate family that had come to town for the wedding and realized that we are ALL cruel to each other with the exception of one but someone else made up for it in their biting remarks and martyrdom. Seeing it all in one place when I was already so low just crushed me and I ended up leaving sooner than planned. Then I called my boyfriend on my way home--I mostly felt harshly judged during that conversation. I finally made it home and allowed my mind to go into its semi-comatose state the way it usually does when I get too stressed and tried to sleep.

Sunday:
I went to Sacrament and went home after that. Most of it was because I was sick, but the rest was because my wish to not have mom force another hug on me or ppl talk to me that I didn't have the energy to talk to.

Monday:
I finally broke up with my boyfriend. The rest of the day sucked.

Tuesday:
I finally gave myself some time to cry over a relationship that didn't work out and this whole messy weekend

Wednesday:
Found out my flight was for Aug 2 and I had missed my flight by a whole day. I finally started to lose it while talking to the Ticketing Assistance ppl with their 1-800 number and trying to get a new ticket.
And now I'm in the airport and can't get a hold of myself for anything, no matter how many strangers walk by